emotions and kindergarten...

Last week marked a huge milestone for our oldest child.

She started kindergarten.

Yes, I know there are so many milestones in a person's life, but this one is terribly significant...for G and also for this momma. For 5 years I have been blessed to care for this little peanut almost 24/7. For 5 years I have been blessed with the opportunity and responsibility to teach this little peanut. For 5 years I have been blessed to help this little peanut and have been blessed to be the one that she has looked to everyday for help. For 5 years I have been blessed to watch this little peanut learn and play and experience everything around her.

And I am just supposed to drop this precious child off for someone else I hardly know to care for and teach her for more waking hours than she will now spend at home?

Naturally, sending her off to school was an incredibly hard thing for me. Starting with the decision to do that at all. We seriously considered homeschooling because I love my children and I love helping them and watching them learn. In the end we chose to send her to school because I love my children and want to be the best mom I can be for them and I knew that homeschooling would stress that area especially with the ages of our kids. We chose Calvin because it was a good Christian school that was near us. If we couldn't educate G at home, we wanted a place where she would get a Christian education - to be able to learn more about God and His creation and be free to say and know that everything is God's. A continuation of what she learns at home and church.

This decision, which we believe is the best for G and our family, did not help my emotions at all the past month (actually several months). I have been a worried, emotional wreck. Wondering whether we made the right decision, wondering whether or not she will be able to handle this huge amount of independence, wondering whether we have taught her enough, wondering whether she will make good friends or good choices. And also, in a sense, mourning this huge change in G's life. No longer will she be my baby, my buddy, my big helper all day everyday. No longer will she be able to have a completely carefree life sleeping till she wants to and having relaxing mornings filled with play before we change out of jammies or get breakfast. No longer will we be able to pick up and go wherever and whenever we want. But the biggest thing I was mourning was being able to see G learn and experience all these new things at school. I want to see her face light up when she gets a concept or learns something new and fun. I want to see her laugh and play and sing. I want to see her friendships with her classmates grow and develop. I want to see that she is making good choices and remembering to say please and thank you. I want to go to kindergarten with her!

I cried a lot the week (ok maybe the month) before kindergarten started.

But I am ok now. It was like I was overly sad and worried while I could still make the decision to just keep her home (and believe me, if she would have been nervous or hesitating at all I would have said "It's ok baby, you just stay home with your momma where you belong!"), but when the time came to send her, I was fine. The thing about being a parent is that we are teaching and bringing up G in the Lord so that she can grow up and be her own person. One who won't stay 4 and live with us forever. One who is faithful, beautiful, intelligent, and who can take care of herself. Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." I was struck by the excitement and confidence of my daughter in taking this next big step. I figured if she can have this much excitement and confidence, I surely can too.
And I know that we are not done being her teachers. We will always be teaching her, and watching her grow and learn and play. And now we have the fun of hearing her chatter about her day at school and hearing about all the new things she has seen and done and learned. Our jobs as parents are far from being done, the role has just changed a little bit, and will continue to change as she grows.

Doesn't mean that I won't want her to stop growing so darn fast sometimes. But I will hopefully not cry for a month. =) But you know, even with all the crying, it was a good month. It was good to share the emotions and learn from them rather than bottling them all up. It was good to share and cry with God, friends and family, and know that we are supported in so many ways.

And the more we have learned about the school, the happier that we are that G is there. Her teacher is incredible, the opportunities that G will have are great, the staff is welcoming and friendly, and the families that we have met have all been so nice and helpful. Everyone comments on the family feeling of the school and we are starting to see why everyone says that. The school and the kindergarten teacher, Mrs. B, have done a fabulous job of preparing G and us to start school. We have helped clean the classroom with Mrs. B, have gone to the kindergarten picnic with all the kindergarteners and their families, have gone to the all school picnic with all the Calvin families, have had a meeting with Mrs. B the day before school to bring all of G's school supplies and see where all G's things are in the K room, and started the first day of school with a chapel for all the students and their families followed by a welcome reception for new families and kindergarten parents. Each of those things helped us become more familiar with the school and people there, and made the first day of school a lot less scary for all of us.

And enough yammering on by me now, time for what you really want to see and hear about, G's first day! She had such a good time and just loves it. She has handled the first week of school well, even the full days, and it has been so much fun to hear her chattering on about everything. She even has asked us why she can't go every day!

G outside her kindergarten room


hanging up her backpack


G with her teacher, Mrs. B


Now we just have to work on this one. This is W after G left for her classroom that first day.

W misses his sister when she is at school, but has enjoyed doing some fun things with just Momma and C. We will all be in transition a while as we adjust to this new school schedule, but we are so proud of G and happy that she loves school and learning so much.